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This year marks a ten-year milestone since the term “vanishing” hit the public consciousness. Back then, the notion that someone could abruptly cease contact with a partner without any notice seemed like the peak of disrespect. Our innocence was charming. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a partner has only become more confounding – an frequently fruitless exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly shaped by social media jargon.

Zoomers, a demographic who grew up during a social isolation crisis, a masculinity crisis, and a coordinated assault on the freedoms of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier landscape than their millennial forerunners could ever envision. And so their dating lexicon has grown more elaborate and more deranged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” testing the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a comprehensive guide to the phrases gen Z is using to talk about romance, intimacy and the quest of both. To channel one of the recent most enduring online sayings, by the end of this guide you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Authenticity – For Zoomers, dating’s ideal is presenting as your real, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon connected to a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your partner’s reaction is interested or brushed off. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Independent partner – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while radiating mystery and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This signifies going for someone who helps you proactively. If you entered a room, they would pull up a seat for you to sit down.

Task-based bonding – A date where two people form a link while handling tasks, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do low-cost romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Melting down – Losing it when you feel burdened by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or breakup, spilling all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 80s yuppie affluence, it describes partners who choose against having children to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of being guarded: utilizing communication, honesty and openness.

F

Indicators

• Red flags – Personal habits indicating a prospective partner is bad news. Examples include calling their former partners unstable, subpar gratuity habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits confirm your choice to date a mate. Such as following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal screen time, having a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe niche, mostly inoffensive idiosyncrasies. For instance being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you meet someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who loathes the same stuff or individuals that you do (few things builds closeness faster than having a common enemy).

The Letter G

Geese – A band many young men is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally delaying orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A mindset describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An stereotype touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and frequently trivial dealbreakers that immediately extinguish any sense of attraction.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an incredibly thoughtful act.

J

Careers – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in professions they perceive as being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, educators or therapists.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the era of locking lips may be limited since some Zoomers prefer fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy realistic.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {